The Relics of Spice Knight
not to be confused with The Relics of Space Knight '' One day last Spring Break, Dr. Tasty took the relics/equipment of Spice Knight and hid them throughout the Lower East Side and foretold that if someone found all of the relics they would rule the kitchen Supreme, he was being kind of a dick. After 300 standard Earth Minutes no one has started to care. Spice Knight is very confused and kind of put out. The Spatula of Ages A powerful spatula forged for Spice Knight by the long deceased Iron Chef master Eric (who is revealed in a later comic to not be a Master at all, but merely a sous-chef). It was said that Spice Knight could really flip some things good with it. Has yet to be recovered, SPice Knight still uses the shitty knock-off mass produced by some lazy Bozos that sell replicas of this particular spatula that Spice Knight needed that had gone missing. The Colander of Power A great power colander that Spice Knight used to strain all manner of pasta. Was found by Bill Cosby, but he won't give it to Spice Knight since he's currently embroiled in court troubles due to the fact that he is a horrible rapist. The Spice of Spice Knight Spice Knight used many special herbs and spices to process important flavor profiles and gave them enhanced taste yields as well as making him look pretty cool while doing it. U.S. Special Forces may be well on their way to finding these, but they're still pretty cold. Astringent Pendant An advanced potable storage amulet, contains sorcerous powers and mystical weapons that absorb bitter or acrid flavors from ingredients and uses that nastiness to fell entire armies. The peoples of the planet Boldo IX revere this as a divine relic (they're addicted to such gross biz and will kill to get it.) Spice Knight comes around here every once in a while to get it back but no matter how much of their blood he spills in their cities, they will not budge. Lil' Cuisinier Battle-Cookery Trophy 1993 A special trophy seventy stories tall indicating Spice Knight's intergalactic victory in the Battle-Cookery event held by the Dickish Arbitrary Fate Society that lasted the entire year of 1993, and not only determined the fate of Earth but brought the ten-year-old Spice Knight to his calling. Dr Tasty gave this to the society saying some guy (a guy with Spice Knight's description) was using it to crush orphans. Spice Knight found out about this and is currently going through a PR nightmare and legal battle to clear his name. Cosmic Spice Rack A small wooden rack Spice Knight used to use to hold spices and generally organize them. Currently submerged in a vat of industrial hard tack, near or in New Jersey. spice Knight has no idea what he could have possibly done to deserve this. Garlic Chives of Hell Dimension Some bullshit Dr Tasty found while gathering Spice Knight's important stuff, no one really knows what it is but Dr Tasty thought it looked like it had a lot of black market value. Spice Knight still needs this to open his restaurant, which was his dying father's last wish. His Father's Cryogenically Frozen Head The head of SPice Knight's deceased and cryogenically frozen father who recently died of a pernicious disease but wanted to one day eat at his super-powered son's restaurant. He was waiting for a cure to be developed (you know, to bring him back from his eternal rest) before Dr Tasty swiped it and burried it in sand somewhere. He does that a lot. Odd Jog found it and is has came to the conclusion that his dad wouldn't want to be revived after all, but "Sucks a mean dick." When all of the relics of Spice Knight are gathered, then Spice Knight will finally know peace. Right now he is driven to madness, a torture worse than any physical assailment as his very existential will is battered, his entreaties to the fates unheeded, every path darkened and disappearing all around him, hope lost, and worst of all, the uncertainty and doubt surrounding the circumstances leading to his ordeal--perhaps it was by his own erring that this unrest plagues him so--but Spice Knight will make do, yes, for while he may see the doors of victory close before him just out of grasp, it will not only be Spice Knight who suffers, no, but all the miserable souls who have the cosmic misfortune of appearing in his path, and are left devastated and broken in his wake, ''entire worlds collapsed so that his rancor can be slated for only an instant before it thirsts anew, a dulled razor only sharpened by the obliteration of innocents, the only cycle Spice Knight still maintains any control, and thus, '''power' over in his insane insistence on survival that now barely passes at being called 'a life', ''so it would be pretty rad if he could get his things. Category:Weapons Category:Artifacts Category:Things Category:Revengerist Labs Category:Food